Lol

I am going to post a drunk blog. I cannot see, I cannot type. I can't hear. Why did I have to go out with lesbians? Oh well, I think it was a good night. Not sure tho, someone may have to tell me in the morning. And I may have been a naughty lesbian. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't call :/

My ears may be ringing but I don't care! This is not wise. I am going to spell check. GODDDD, I feel sick. God, who invented Tropical Bacardi Breezers?! Is that how you spell it?!

Anyway, I'm going to fuck off now. I don't know why there is no one on msn!

Night night xx

An Open Letter

Dear Faker,

It has recently come to our attention that a person facilitating the ‘After Ellen’ website is using faux avatar pictures in an attempt to deceive other members. Whilst it is a right of members to display an avatar of their choice, we feel that it is fundamentally dishonest to purposely deceive other members and to present an element of their identity falsely. The whole purpose of the ‘After Ellen’ site is for lesbian and bisexual women all over the world to meet and discuss issues concerning them. We feel that this blatant attempt to not only fool other members into thinking that you both look like photos you have clearly found on another website, and to mislead members about elements of your personality; completely defies the honest and open nature and intentions of the website.

In this day and age, the internet is making an increasingly large impact on our lives. It is a tool to meet new people, make new friends and find out information quickly. Frankly, it has been ruined by people such as yourself, who, in varying degrees, assume an identity that they have no right to assume. Yes, the internet is anonymous. Yes, that can be liberating. But that does not mean we should all mould ourselves into something that we are not. ‘After Ellen’ is a site that allows women to explore and talk about their feelings, regardless of their appearance. By presenting yourself in this way, you make a mockery of the intentions of the site and everyone who is a member there. It’s a little disappointing. It is a shame that you are so insecure about your looks that you feel you need to pretend to be a range of different, beautiful women just to fit it. You presume that appearance is all the women there are interested in, which is false. In that way, you insult us.




Yours sincerely,

Coalition Against Faux Lesbians

FOFL.

Okay, I have voogled. Blame Kim, it's all her fault. It's a massive shoutout to everyone. I used t'internet names because then everyone will know who everyone else is. For some reason I look really serious, which is weird cuz I'm the least serious person in the world. Hmm, anyway... it's quite long because of all the people I had to talk about, so if I were you I'd just fast forward to the part where I talk about you...

AND IT IS REALLY QUIET. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. IT IS EITHER YOUTUBE OR MY LAPTOP.



Okay Katie - when I say 'oldest' I mean 'longest' and I know you might take that the wrong way with your paranoia. But I didn't think longest made sense...

Me and Haz...

I have a love/hate relationship with Sky. Really. I mean, I have watched 'Harry Potter and the Fucking Order of the Fucking Phoenix' like 5 times now. Not that I don't love it. Or rather, used to love it.

But I have to keep watching it, don't I? Yeah, because nothing else is on. At all. Like a million channels and nothing. Nothing. Oh, and I got really excited because I thought they were showing re-runs of Ballykissangel but no, it's Ballymaloe Cookery on Horse & Country.

And I thought I was going to be able to watch Hugh Laurie on Biography, but guess what? It's only for HD. Fifty quid a month, but I can't get a bit of Hugh. In my pants.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, it's back to Ballymaloe Cookery... ooo salt. How interesting.

Nothing can explain why I am listening to the Braveheart soundtrack on repeat at 6 in the morning.

Shut me up, someone.

Isn't it bizarre? The way one single moment can determine your whole day, your whole week, even longer than that. A tiny trigger that pulls on a wire inside of your brain. It feels cataclysmic, at the time. A cascade of hurt and insecurity. The smallest of events can upset an equilibrium, and it breaks your heart as it shifts. How can it be possible that someone can change something inside of you, how is that literally possible?

I hate it that it is possible to allow someone that much access, that much power. The way they can reach inside of you and flick your happy switch until its angry and you're back to where you were before. Angst. It's so pointless, it gains nothing, and it's so inconceivable to live without. Self-destructive behaviour is funny in a kind of ironic way; it is raged against as much as the thing you're raging against in the first place. If that makes sense at all.

I obviously need medication.

No, I'm joking, I'm just a little upset. My apologies for venting it on t'internet.

Just a big softie really...

I am cold today. Like, seriously cold. I feel as if I've been cold for about a month and not warmed up in between. But anyway...

Today I went for coffee with a friend who I haven't seen in a few months because she's at university. It was rather nice actually, and not at all weird, which I thought it might be, as it sometimes is when you meet up with someone you haven't seen in ages and it's all "Hi, how are you?" and "I'm good, you?" and all that other BS. But it wasn't like that at all; it was wonderfully nostalgic and comfortable and made me excited about what my life will be like soon.

But meeting her made me really appreciate what a wonderful thing it is to have friends that it doesn't matter if you don't see them everyday. And I would just like to say a few words to a group of people that I love.

Kim, Katie, Mel, Linnea, Lindsay. I think we would be good friends. I think we are good friends. I've never felt such a sense of community as I do talking to all of you. I am (and have been for a long time) very 'out' with my friends, and they are very open and accepting, but there is something in that word 'community'. There is something special about feeling that you are free to say whatever you like and no one is going to judge you for it. And that everytime you say 'I think [insert female celebrity here] is hot', people aren't going to be reminding themselves, 'Oh yeah, she's a lesbian, I forgot' etc.

I think I have often enjoyed the fact that the things I say sometimes shock people. I don't think it's possible to be a lesbian/bisexual and not shock people on occasions. But there comes a time when you feel the need to settle down, so to speak, and to be able to feel more normal. If your primary friend group is straight, I think a little part of you always feels like you have to be on guard, like you're hiding a small part of yourself, no matter how comfortable you are with your sexuality.

I don't feel this way with you. So thank you all, you make me happy. Sappy moment over.

It's like making love...

Well, it's happened.
What we've all been hoping for. It is indeed bittersweet.
I've been an advocate and supporter of Obama since I first became aware of his liberal record in the Senate. Despite his lack of experience, I feel he represents something elusive for a great many people. He is a symbol for anyone who doesn't fit in a box; who is not white and male and straight; anyone who feels that they want to change the world because they don't fit into this one.

Yes, he has a lot to prove. But there is a dignity and an eloquence about him that inspires people to suppress their cynicism and have a little hope. After Florida and Arizona and Arkansas, and now that California looks as if it's going the same way, you've gotta have a little hope. If not, what are you left with?

You may ask why I care so much. I am not American, after all. Well, the thing is, the USA is - whether you agree with its ideals or not - the most influential and powerful nation in the world. What happens in America affects other countries deeply, often more than our own political systems. And more than that, I have been brought up in a passionately liberal family that discusses politics over the dinner table. Which I love more than life.

So anyway, I stayed up all night to watch it, with my mum. We both cried like idiots and it was a strange bonding moment that I think I'll remember for a long time. I really hope this is one of those defining moments in history when people later ask: "Where were you when Obama was elected?"

You lot are all a bunch of wank.
But sadly, sadly, I am developing a love affair with you all.

You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me discuss playing the banjo to inappropriate videos. I'm on my 12th repeat viewing, I'll have you know.

We share a lot. Too much. Too frequently and for too long. But I love it. Maybe more than Lena Headey. It's doubtful, but it's a distinct possibility.

I blame the twisted and naked world of AfterEllen. Now that Team Bra has taken one hit too many, we must remain true to our dirty, perverted minds. They can take away our bra pics, but they can never take our FREEEEDOOOOM! (Cue glorified bagpipes)

I need to let you know something. I want a bagel. In case you're wondering, I always want one, even when I'm eating one. The gates of heaven would look very round and doey for me ^^ albeit a little bigger so I could fit through. With my too much T & A!

And whilst we're speaking of secrets, I'll let you in on one. I'M GUILTY. I'm responsible. I think you know what for, and I'm damn sorry. I never meant for any of this, and I certainly won't do it again. Soon anyway. Orgasms must come first.

If you'd like to know what I did today, I'll tell you. I slept. Until fucking 4pm. There was something about Lorraine Kelly that did it, and the LittleBlackDress diet. Snooze much. I slept through three alarms, the postieman, a phone call, and my mum opening the door when she got home from work. Now that's dedication, fo' sho.

This is a shout out to all my special ladies:

Strict, Kim, PA, Ikke, Purrito, to mention but a few. I love you all and want to marry you. Msn makes my life.

Okay, you can calm down now Strict, I've done it, it's a bit shite though.

Can I come back to the convo now?