Life gets complicated.

But you can learn something from almost any situation. One of the most rewarding elements of working a dead end job in the middle of the night for almost no money is that you have time to think. And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.

The more time I spend there, the more I find I overcome my own prejudice. I think subconsciously, and much against my own desire, I’ve always thought that working graveyard was one of the worst places to end up in your life; a trap; a no man’s land.

And that is what it is, for many people there. A gap in between their past, and an unknown future. No one expects to spend their life there, day after day, but, inevitably, some will. Going into it, I think I thought that there would a type of person that worked there. A singular type – someone with no skills and no hope and no inspiration. I couldn’t have been more wrong. There is a wider and more far reaching range of characters there than you would find in most jobs. People are there for many different reasons. And for all of us, it feels temporary.

Take my colleage Tracy. She is probably close to thirty years my senior. She has no education and has worked there for two years. She refuses to watch the news because she thinks it’s depressing. She sings loudly to Asda FM. She wants to get the hell out of there. Will she ever? I don’t know. But she is also one of the funniest people I have ever met, a natural rebel, and speaks her mind with intelligence and gusto. She has qualities that will be wasted stacking shelves for the rest of her life.

But somewhere inside her, I think there is a fear of leaving. It’s comfortable and easy and after time, complacency sets in. If we challenge ourselves to do something more, there is always that feeling of “will I be good enough?” and that inevitable fear that what we always dreamed of doing won’t stand up to our expectations.

So we end up living for tomorrow, continually hoping something will change. In a way, I think that’s reflective of life as a whole, and everything in life. We are dreamers and realists, all of us. What we never realise is the extent of the gap between our dreams and our reality. Politicians spend their lives attempting to reconcile that gap. But war, revenge, disappointment, even honesty, are all spurned from it; they are reasons, above everything else, to keep on living, to keep on wishing; that gap, as big as a dark abyss once we know it is there, becomes the anger in us, becomes the strength to fight for the things we believe in.

At the end of the day, perhaps that’s the point. Our lives are the bridge between our hopes and our reality. We do our best to close the gap.

LONDON <3

These are just a few words on the epicness of the 7th.

I loved it.
You are all awesome.
I like being G-A-Y.
Dodgems and arcades, yes please.
Sofa time ;)
Being the new L word, PRICELESS.

I will blog more at a later date. But I'm still tired :)

Lol

I am going to post a drunk blog. I cannot see, I cannot type. I can't hear. Why did I have to go out with lesbians? Oh well, I think it was a good night. Not sure tho, someone may have to tell me in the morning. And I may have been a naughty lesbian. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't call :/

My ears may be ringing but I don't care! This is not wise. I am going to spell check. GODDDD, I feel sick. God, who invented Tropical Bacardi Breezers?! Is that how you spell it?!

Anyway, I'm going to fuck off now. I don't know why there is no one on msn!

Night night xx

An Open Letter

Dear Faker,

It has recently come to our attention that a person facilitating the ‘After Ellen’ website is using faux avatar pictures in an attempt to deceive other members. Whilst it is a right of members to display an avatar of their choice, we feel that it is fundamentally dishonest to purposely deceive other members and to present an element of their identity falsely. The whole purpose of the ‘After Ellen’ site is for lesbian and bisexual women all over the world to meet and discuss issues concerning them. We feel that this blatant attempt to not only fool other members into thinking that you both look like photos you have clearly found on another website, and to mislead members about elements of your personality; completely defies the honest and open nature and intentions of the website.

In this day and age, the internet is making an increasingly large impact on our lives. It is a tool to meet new people, make new friends and find out information quickly. Frankly, it has been ruined by people such as yourself, who, in varying degrees, assume an identity that they have no right to assume. Yes, the internet is anonymous. Yes, that can be liberating. But that does not mean we should all mould ourselves into something that we are not. ‘After Ellen’ is a site that allows women to explore and talk about their feelings, regardless of their appearance. By presenting yourself in this way, you make a mockery of the intentions of the site and everyone who is a member there. It’s a little disappointing. It is a shame that you are so insecure about your looks that you feel you need to pretend to be a range of different, beautiful women just to fit it. You presume that appearance is all the women there are interested in, which is false. In that way, you insult us.




Yours sincerely,

Coalition Against Faux Lesbians

FOFL.

Okay, I have voogled. Blame Kim, it's all her fault. It's a massive shoutout to everyone. I used t'internet names because then everyone will know who everyone else is. For some reason I look really serious, which is weird cuz I'm the least serious person in the world. Hmm, anyway... it's quite long because of all the people I had to talk about, so if I were you I'd just fast forward to the part where I talk about you...

AND IT IS REALLY QUIET. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. IT IS EITHER YOUTUBE OR MY LAPTOP.



Okay Katie - when I say 'oldest' I mean 'longest' and I know you might take that the wrong way with your paranoia. But I didn't think longest made sense...

Me and Haz...

I have a love/hate relationship with Sky. Really. I mean, I have watched 'Harry Potter and the Fucking Order of the Fucking Phoenix' like 5 times now. Not that I don't love it. Or rather, used to love it.

But I have to keep watching it, don't I? Yeah, because nothing else is on. At all. Like a million channels and nothing. Nothing. Oh, and I got really excited because I thought they were showing re-runs of Ballykissangel but no, it's Ballymaloe Cookery on Horse & Country.

And I thought I was going to be able to watch Hugh Laurie on Biography, but guess what? It's only for HD. Fifty quid a month, but I can't get a bit of Hugh. In my pants.

Anyway, if you'll excuse me, it's back to Ballymaloe Cookery... ooo salt. How interesting.

Nothing can explain why I am listening to the Braveheart soundtrack on repeat at 6 in the morning.